Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
