That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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