My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
