Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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