I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
