so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize