I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
