I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it glows. i had to have it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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