I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
