You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
