He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
