What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
