Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
