Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
