i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
