So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
