I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
