Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
