is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
