Only a mothe r could love this liver
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my being single is dangerous.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
