i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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