New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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