if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize