I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
