and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
