I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
