What a fucking waste of an outfit
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
