Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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