so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm just crazy horny about you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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