and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
