I want to make a zoo with you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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