I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
