a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
