I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
