Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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