cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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