Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you traded sex for a burrito?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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