You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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