You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
