...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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