I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
