Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
