we have officially mastered the walk of shame
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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