Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wear drunk well.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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