U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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