I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
