I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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