Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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