Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
