remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
