Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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