my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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