he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
