Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's Friday. Sex?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
