If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
