theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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