i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
