I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
