Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
