She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
