you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
