The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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