at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
