Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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