Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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