You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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