I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
