you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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