I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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