and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize